Day 4

Thought I'd be okay but today, I started missing you again. Sunday. I used to think that this was a special day for both of us. I just realized that I was the only one who thought of that. We used to spend a lot of time together especially on a Sunday. I never expected anything from you today. Space remember? Screw that. I wouldn't waste a cent on that crap. Yeah, I miss you. The good times we shared. Good memories made me cry (Turn Back Time by Aqua: If only I could turn back time. If only I had said what I still hide...) I was at work and you were in God-knows-where doing God-knows-what with God-knows-who. Yay, do I sound like a blasphemer or just an utter tool? Whatevs. I felt so alone in a four-cornered soundproof room. I started keeping myself busy by typing words that you're reading right now. It was a gloomy afternoon. It was raining hard. I can hear thunder and see lightning from the glass window. (Thunder by Boys Like Girls: Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer do you know you're unlike any other you'll always be my thunder...) I played songs that I can relate into coz there's a need for me to pour my heart out. (You Don't See Me: Josie and The Pussycats: This is the part where it hurts. This is the part where I love you too much. Is this how hard as it gets... [the whole-ass song] ) I looked like a crybaby and I still played your favorite song (Just Say Yes by Snow Patrol: Just say yes. la la la la la. I can feel your heart beat through my shirt...) I tried surviving that day but I just can't get you out of my head. You were in everything I see and I don't know if I can still be happy knowing that you're no longer with me. I tried surviving this day. I tried.

Day 3

I need answers. Real ones not just the usual "Yeah, right" compliment. I tried to think of what you were trying to think. (Run by Leona Lewis: The fact that I won't see those eyes makes me even want to cry...) My day was spent thinking, contemplating, searching for answers. I had to live though. I didn't get a chance to see you today. Is it for the better or is it helpful for you to realize that you want me out of your life? It bothers me a lot. I woke up at 10am. Quite unusual for someone like me. It's a day of no work. I went to the mall with my mom and looked for the new clothes and the whatnots. The day went great. But there's a new issue lurking right at the corner. I like somebody. (Crush by Mandy Moore: I got a crush on you. I hope you feel the way that I do...)I thought it was just a mere crush or affection. I don't feel infatuated but I'm starting to daydream about him more often. He's for keeps. I never wanted to be good for someone else but him. I'm a good girl and my instincts tell me that you can bring out the best in me. (Best In Me by Blue: Coz you bring out the best in me like no one else can do, that's why I'm by your side, that's why I love you...[uhh uhh uhh. wait up. i don't love you just yet. juuuuuust yet, a'ight] ) Yes, this is another story. Me, Ellie, starting to like someone but not just to get over Gavin. Going back to the real point I think he's out of my league, seriously! I don't even have the slightest idea if he does like me as well. All I know is I'm getting too fond of him that I daydream about him, about us. (Dreaming Of You by Selena: Coz I'm dreaming of you tonight. Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight and there's no where in the world I'd rather be than here in my room dreaming about you and me...)WTF. Will somebody slap me hard in the face. You tell me, did I survive Day 3?

Day 2

I have to stay in momentum. When it rains, it pours. Is that even true? I think Day 2 proved me wrong. I was so happy yesterday. I felt like it was my lucky night. If there's any slot machine in the city, I'd hit jackpot! I had a good morning with hot noodles as breakfast, what could've been better than that? coffee? i've had tons of cups o' that. Gavin was the first person in my mind the moment I woke up. I almost yelled his name out. Tears formed behind my eyes (Never Knew I Needed by Ne-Yo: You're the best thing I never knew I needed... ) There a slideshow of all our good memories above my head and as I tried to look up, they're like bubbles. Poof. Gone. (I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat: And now I miss eveything about you. Can't believe that I still want you. After all the things we've been through, I miss everything about you... )My stomach churned the whole day. I didn't have any appetite even for a bite. I had to eat something though so I bought a chocolate chip cookie and a brownie. I didn't finish any of the two.

I wasn't surprised that you were there. I was there. I can't look at you. I can't pretend that I'm okay. All i know was I needed to talk to you just to get a formal closure. In a sudden, you were standing in front of me and I was speechless. (Issues by The Saturdays: Me and my heart we got issues, don't know if I should hate you or miss you. Damn, I wish that I could resist you...) I asked you why you weren't talking to me and I can hear myself cry on the inside as you wrapped your arms around me. I felt like I was on cloud 9 once again like I'm Mercury with wings attached on my feet and that I could fly anytime. (So I Thought by Flyleaf: Ignorance is bliss, cherish it... ) You need some time alone and I respect that but how pathetic will i get every single day. What made you think that you're a waste of time? What made you realize that you need to refresh some time to miss me? The answer to my questions are the questions themselves. I was clueless. Didn't I deserve to know? (Only Hope by Mandy Moore: I gave you my destiny, I've given you all of me. I want your symphony, singing it all that I am...) What happened to those times that we were happy. Times when we had nothing much to worry about? Days when we just let the days pass. Hours that we just spend together. Minutes that we spend just looking at each other. Seconds apart that we start missing each other. What happened? (A Little Space by Ne-Yo: I just need a little space...) You said I didn't do anything wrong, I should keep myself busy, I must go out and look for someone new. (Here Comes Goodbye by Rascal Flatts: Here comes goodbye. Here comes the last time...) Is this you saying goodbye but why are you still keeping me or is it me who's just wanting to be kept? It confuses me. It puzzles me. It bothers me. This topsy-turvy world we share is a one-way ticket from my normal life. I didn't survive Day 2.

Day 1

What happened last night was muddled. (Blurry by Puddle of Mudd: Everything's so blurry and everything's so fake...) I didn't get the point. I was perplexed. Why he never said hello or goodbye is a mystery. Maybe he's really changed. Maybe he's not that into me anymore or maybe he never was. Maybe, maybe, maybe or maybe i wasn't that good-looking anymore. Maybe i have a booger hanging from a nostril, my bad or maybe to you, i'm an eyesore. I had to live life the way it was. The funny thing was I thought I was gonna get über-depressed, insomniac, bipolar, and the tearjerk that I was but hell no, I was smiling the whole day ( Lovely Day by Bill Withers: Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day... ) There weren't any violin playing in the background and everything was in a happy tune. It happened to be a not-so-sunny day but the sun shone over me. I felt the heat of the cold day (Ray Of Light by Madonna: Quicker than the ray of light she's flying...) That night I saw something on the internet that made me even happier. Ssssh. It's a big secret. My bestfriend and I went to the bar, saw tons of people we know and pretty much hung out with them. It was a long ass night and it was really fun. The fact of not seeing him around while I'm on a non-stop chitchat with his closest friends was a good feeling. It made me feel that I didn't need him to talk to them. I was happy that night. I survived Day 1.

Flashback

Hi, my name's Ellie. I'm a 20-year old local celeb. Can't say if i'm really famous or rich but yeah, i'm on the city's A-list. The past few months had been a rollercoaster ride. A ginormous, nauseous one. Lots of ups and downs, excitement, surprises, thrill, and of course, bad hair days. My rainbow had a new color which made me wish that it would rain sometime soon. There he was, Gavin. I never thought he'd turn out to be someone really special. He's ordinary, wearing simple shirts and jeans but there's something about him that stood out - that edgy sense of happiness I feel whenever he's around and so, the story begins where it ends...